Where have 31 years gone?

A VERY blonde me in 1994. Oh my missing collagen. And eyebrows! Lol!

On a recent road trip I spent a good number of car-bound hours tuned into Lithium on SiriusXM.  What a time capsule.  It got me thinking about what an absolute bounty of music came out in 1994.  How the fuck was 1994 thirty one fucking years ago? 1994 was a year that changed the trajectory of my life. I was kind of adrift after I graduated from college before committing to a career.  I used to think of those years as being in the weeds, wandering aimlessly, but as I learn to forgive myself for being human, and I look at my life through a different lens I guess it’s ok that it took me a while to get my shit together.  It really was ok. 

SO…….1994 was significant because it was both the beginning and the end of an era in my life.  I started a job in a school where I would teach for the next twenty seven years.  That job led me to the life that I have now. So eventually I did learn from past experiences to make better decisions.  However, I often feel like that part of my life, the last thirty years, or so, was a placeholder for what I was supposed to do.  What I now crave.  In a strange way it feels now like it was an interregnum … .what I did when I was really supposed to be doing something else.  Except that I only just recently discovered what that was.  Or at least a general idea of what I was meant to do.  And now I’m worried that it’s too late,  it’s unattainable.  If only I’d figured this shit out forty years ago. 

The nineties were a busy decade.  The end of a relationship and the beginning of a new one.  A job I hated and then the one I thought I really wanted. In hindsight I can see now that that desire was built on an illusion.  An illusion I carried until fairly recently. Age gives clarity, that’s for sure.  The ’90s for me can be segmented into several parts.   1990-’91 can be characteried by aimlessness and irresponsibility but trying to gain traction.  ‘91-’95 pretending I was an adult.  ’95 through Y2K acutally sort of being an adult, or at least cosplaying one.  New Year’s Eve 1999 was a weirdly appropriate ending for a wild decade- all the crazy predictions that never came to fruition.  

Like I wrote in another post, a decade previous, New Year’s Eve 1989, my good friend at the time referred to the dawn of the ‘90s as the decade of marriage and children.  The ironic thing is that she, and I, and most of our friends didn’t achieve those milestones until the end of the decade or the beginning of the new millennium.  We were all sort of late starters I guess.  Either that or we just had a lot of freedom we didn’t want to give up. 

My 10 year high school reunion was held in the  summer of 1994.  My hair was extremely blonde.  I was still cute. Everyone was still cute. Life hadn’t become heavy yet- at least for me at that time ‘cuz I got that late start.  How do you all feel about high school reunions?  I am not sure what purpose they serve. I have gone to a few; 1994, 2009 and 2014. I skipped my 40th.  I am pretty sure I will not attend another one.  They make me feel funny and weird.  I’m not the person I was when I was in high school.  No one is.  But when you go to a reunion everyone falls back into their old personas.  I don’t want to do that.  I’ve worked too hard to shed old habits and insecurities and behaviors.  I need to protect my energy.  That’s my new mantra- protect my energy while letting my light shine.  Is it working?  I don’t fucking know.  I’ll report back when I have an answer.

Back to the music!  What an absolute fucking bounty of fabulous music came out of 1994. Radio had not yet completely died.  Indie stations and record labels were still a thing. Alternative music was still thriving.  

Loser by Beck

Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden

Interstate Love Song by STONE TEMPLE PILOTS!!!!!!

Weezer’s Blue Album produced by Rik Ocasek-(shout out to WNY native Patrick Wilson!)- Undone, Say it Ain’t So

THE OFFSPRING SELF-ESTEEM!!!!!!!! AND COME OUT AND PLAY!

Bush’s Glycerine and Comedown

REM and Strange Currencies

Edwyn Collins A Girl Like You

Stay by Lisa Loeb

Gin Blossoms!

Every single one of these artists or songs pins me to a certain person, place or event. That’s what music does.  It keeps the past alive and makes you remember being young, fun, and fabulous.  And everyone needs to feel young, fun, and fabulous, especially as you get old, staid and predictable.  Here’s to fighting the good fight, fellow Gen Xers.  Don’t give in to the temptation to stay home in your sweatpants.  Get out there and listen to new music, old music, ANY music.  It will keep you young, at least young at heart. Gotta go check Spotify for new music gems and classic alternative from 1994. Here I come Green Day and Cranberries!