Can they be solved? Do I want them to be?

Someone I sort of know a little through the wonder of social media inspired me to write about mystery. That person is a mystery to me. I have found it difficult to meet new people in real life, especially when you reside in a small town on the edge of nothing except Lake Erie. I’m constantly seeking relationships and people with whom I might have something in common,  a deep love of everything rock music and music related. That’s hard to do in this very small town that seems to get smaller with each passing year. If you have read any of my previous posts then you know how much I crave real, human interaction.  But alas, in this bizarre world I have to be content with getting companionship wherever I can, and for now,  social media and my iPhone is where that happens to be.   

So… what would life be without mysteries?  Bob Seger sang about mystery in my favorite of his songs, Night Moves:

Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy

Out in the back seat of my ‘60 Chevy

Workin on mysteries without any clues 

Workin on the night moves

Remember those days? Ahhh….. fumbling around in cars and feeling and testing and tasting and thinking you were so damn adult. And then walking around like you had a sweet mystery and wondering if people could tell just by looking at you?  I spent some time in cars with boys working on mysteries.  Ahhh, my misspent youth. 

How about this gem from U2?  Mysterious Ways,  another of my favorite songs.

She’s slippy, you’re sliding down

She’ll be there, when you hit the ground

It’s all right, it’s all right, it’s all right

She moves in mysterious ways

It’s all right, it’s all right, it’s all right

She moves in mysterious ways, oh

Because I’m basically a narcissist I just figured this song was about me. Of course Bono could see directly into my heart and soul.  Duh. 

Roy Orbison sang the beautiful Bono and The Edge penned Mystery Girl:

She tears again my bleeding heart

I want to run she’s pulling me apart

Fallen angel cries and I just melt away

She’s a mystery to me

She’s a mystery girl

I always wanted to be, maybe I still do, a little mysterious.  Not in a scary or intimidating way which is the way I sometimes think I come off, but an exciting and intriguing mysterious. Alas, I think I’m too ordinary to be mysterious.  Plus, you can see every one of my feelings on my face, so…

Mystery Girl by the fucking kick-ass band the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.  I mean Karen O, right? 

Mystery girl

Mystery girl

Keep on faking your mystery world

Cause the mystery boys 

Will be your toys, yeah

Cause the mystery boys 

Will be your toys, yeah

There be your toys

There be your toys, alright

How about the haunting  Fade Into You by Mazzy Star?  It’s not about a mystery per se, but conveys a mysterious, sensual feeling, the singer wondering about a stranger? Or a lover?  Or a strange lover? 

You live your life,

You go in shadows

You’ll come apart and you’ll go black 

Some kind of night into your darkness

Colors your eyes with what’s not there.

Life would be so boring without mysteries. I used to love reading a good mystery; Nancy Drew when I was little and Steven King as I got older.  Mysteries keep us guessing, keep us on our toes.  Do people have secret, mysterious, inner lives?  Like Water Mitty? I definitely have a secret inner life. I spend a lot of time in my head.  More than I should.  Do any of you make up stories about people you don’t really know?  Project all kinds of things onto someone you wish you knew better.  Even though you know better? Sigh….

Do we kid ourselves, creating mysteries for entertainment or out of boredom? The best, most exciting mystery is when you’re first getting to know someone.  When you have so many questions…but are kind of afraid to find out the answers.  When you dance around the edge, you flirt, you test, you take your time. It’s the tension that makes things mysterious and exciting.  But then you simply cannot stand to take any more time.  You want to get to the heart of the mystery.  To find out all the answers. And once answers start to emerge, they lead to more mysteries. Sometimes the answers lead to things you’d rather not know.  Sometimes things are better left buried. Yes? No? Maybe? 

Mystery can also make you a little nervous. And sometimes a dangerous nervous.  I often wish I had more danger in my life.  Good danger.  Fun danger. Sexy danger.  But I can say that from a place of comfort and security.  I supposed I’d feel differently if I were in different circumstances.  

Sometimes the mystery turns. Mystery can lead to bewilderment, or frustration, or confusion. You think you’ve uncovered clues when all of a sudden the trail goes cold.   The enigma, the puzzle you are trying to put together, slips away. You thought something was going on, something was happening, something was taking shape, and you were totally into figuring it out. You spent a lot of time hoping it was going to grow into something else, then poof, it just disappears.  No warning. No answers. No clues. You  wonder what the fuck happened? Why? How? It’s like Bob Seger sang, working on mysteries without any clues.  But I’m an adult- at least in years if not maturity.  I’m supposed to know. There had to be clues.  OF course there were clues. But, alas, sometimes I’m not smart enough to pay attention. Or I just didn’t want to pay attention.

I’ve written before that all of this blogging, posting, writing might simply be my way of navigating the other side of middle age.  But damn if I’m not craving new adventures, new mysteries to solve, new paths to follow, new things to learn about.  When you’re young, everything is a mystery, everything is new, everything is fresh.  It’s all your first time; first drink, first date, first kiss, first time driving with your license, first concert, first time away from home, first time telling a big lie, first time getting caught telling that big lie, first lover, first job, first apartment. It’s all learning.  It’s all mysterious.  And it’s so damn exciting.  You literally leap from one mysterious experience to the next.

But what if mysteries aren’t supposed to be solved?  What if they are really just presented to you as lessons?  There is something to be learned from not being able to figure out a puzzle, a mystery. Maybe not figuring out is really just re-direction? Detours presented so that you can divine the right path. And learn better where to spend your energy?  Maybe mysteries are distractions.  Distraction meant to help you learn from past unhealthy patterns.  Learn a new way of dealing with people and situations.  These are all things I am trying to figure out.  Wouldn’t you think that by now I’d have it figured out?  For a good number of years I thought I did.  I had routines and patterns and cycles and seasons and habits. There was business and school and work and house and home and kids and all that comes with being a responsible adult.  In that version of my life there weren’t a lot of mysteries. But then shit happened.   And then more shit.  And good things too.  But I outgrew those old traditions and patterns and behavior. I didn’t mean to, it just happened. Is that growth?  Is that finding my true self? My core? 

And then there is the contradiction.  There’s always a contradiction isn’t there? The other side of the coin. The yin to the yang. The desire to want to maintain an air of mystery but also the desire to be known.  The ultimate conundrum, I guess, is that I want both.  To be  known, to be understood on a profound level,  but to also exude an air of mystery. And I want to be intrigued by the mystery, the energy, the allure of other people’s vibrations. To find out what makes them attractive.  To get to their core, while also maintaining some of the mysterious aura that drew me to them in the first place.  Can I have it all?  Is that even possible?  Is that even fair to all involved parties?  Who knows.  What I do know is that I think I’m ready for new mysteries. 

Gonna go be a detective now.